Count 'em

Yep....that's 5 pair of shoes...and the white booties are not Snuggles'. We are in awe, very much shocked, speechless, overjoyed, relieved, a little nervous but mostly thankful to introduce Baby Little Tres or as I have nicknamed him/her: our little Stowaway!!! It would appear we had an extra passenger in the car on the trek up to Ohio. We have had a while to digest the news (I'm 15 weeks on Friday) and it still is hard to take in! After our surprise in December, we realized things might be working in this messed up body of mine so we better take some extra precautions. When will we realize that God's sovereignty trumps any "plans" we have? One day I suppose. In the meantime we sit here and look at each other and ask "how did this happen?" :) We knew we wanted another baby, but honestly didn't think that time would come until a) the twins were a little older and out of diapers (please!) and b) once we moved back or were for sure on our way back to NC. I won't be going into details here but I can tell you after 4 years of trying to learn how my body works - I had it down (or so I thought) and knew what was going to happen when. If you look at it scientifically, there shouldn't be a baby growing in there :) If you look at it that God has always wanted us to have a 3rd child and while January wasn't His time and while I still don't quite grasp why we had to go through a 2nd miscarriage, His time was now so we have a baby on the way! End of story.

I'm due November 17th...my Dad's birthday :) I'm mortified at the thought of being pregnant another month! I had the twins at 36 weeks....what do you mean this one should go to 40 weeks or more!?! I didn't get sick for one second with the twins and now that we have moved 500 miles from anyone we know to help me out, I'm so .very. sick. The house unpacking came to a dead stand still, I haven't been to the grocery store in weeks (thankful for a willing Husband!!!), the house cleaning is all in my head and the twins have learned to bring mommy the toy or book they want to play with while I lay green faced on the couch or the floor. They are used to me gagging and dry heaving all over them when I change their diapers in the morning - at first they cried and screamed - now it doesn't phase them at all. I could care less eating lunch or dinner, but the heavens open at around 6:00 every night. All of a sudden, I feel great, have an appetite and have energy! But of course by then, Ryan is tired from working all day, then coming home and taking over twins and supper duty. I am praying praying that this dies down now that we are in the 2nd trimester - it has progressively gotten worse from about 7 weeks on.

Thankfully we have 3 bedrooms and a loft in our house. Our landlord is great and is going to let us fill in the loft so we can have 2 nursery's and a guest for all of the help I'm going to need! The twins will have just turned 2 in October. So we will journey through twins being two and a newborn. Mercy. Mercy. Mercy.

In a strange, twisted way, Ryan and I talk about how different things must be with one baby! We can really take turns at night instead of both being up every time, if one of us needs a break from baby holding, we can switch and not get another baby in return, I just might be able to nurse discreetly in public, no more mega twin boppy, hey...we only have to fit one crib in the room this time, etc....! But then we quickly fall back into reality....we've never had twin toddlers running around with a baby either. oh........

So, you hear how women show earlier and earlier with each pregnancy....well, this is what happens when you had twins then have a subsequent pregnancy...you look huge...quickly:

My doctors just shake their head sympathetically and say my poor stretched out uterus thinks it should make room for two babies and that I'll have lots of growing pains. That sounds great. Thanks. But truthfully, we are very thankful to be where we are. I went in to see my Doc as soon as I realized I was pregnant  which was very early on. They started testing a bunch of stuff to see if they could see any issues with me carrying this pregnancy. My progesterone was already down to 17 (by like 5 weeks pregnant)...you start having trouble carrying a pregnancy at 15 so I was well on my way to loosing this baby too. That is slightly terrifying to think about going through a 3rd miscarriage up here all alone so I just thank God for His protection and don't think about it much :) Thanks to tons of hormones and meds, we are through the 1st trimester and just this past Wednesday I was released to stop all of that icky stuff. yea!

Anyway,  there are a million other thoughts going through my head but I'll wrap it up for now. Pray for us! In every way God brings to mind...pray for us!

Ohio Observations

A few things I have learned / am trying to learn in our first month up here in Ohio:

1- Don't move to Ohio if you have Medcost Insurance or Beech Street. Just don't. Your on your own for the most part........

2- I've never thought of Ohio has windy....Ryan's co workers say it is just this time of year but I feel like I moved to Chicago! It is getting nice now that its a bit warmer...the wind keeps things feeling cooler but the first couple of weeks we were here...it was in the 40's with winds 20-30 all day and gusts up to 40 or 50! Where are we?

3- People don't have decks or patios up here! It seems to be a special add on if you have one. We are missing our deck to put toys / our patio set on. We had to sell our patio set b/c Ryan was not-so-happy having to move it all around each time he mowed the grass :) Speaking of grass, the state flower must be the dandelion weed. It is rampant up here - so much so that it appears most folks in our neighborhood have their lawns professionally treated. You can, um, certainly tell the ones that don't have their yards treated. (we were one of those yards for exactly 2 weeks before Ryan said no more!) :)

4- I am really missing Bojangles and Chickfila. There are 2 Chickfila's in all of Columbus...both about 25 minutes from us.

5- I don't know if this is an Ohio thing or not, but the Wendy's up here has a thing called Coca Cola Freestyle....its a drink machine that gives you 100+ drink mix options!!!! As in, Cherry Vanilla Coke, Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper, Peach Sprite, Diet coke with Raspberry, Fanta with every other flavor added in, oh my! It has singly handedly increased our caffeine consumption 200%. And, let me just help you, if you find a place that has it, just get the Peach Sprite - amazing!

6- There are no U-turns allowed in the city. what? No wonder everyone looked at me very funny the first few days we were here...and they were all tight turns! haha no wonder. So if you miss your turn, you have to go find a left turn lane somewhere and make your way back.

7- The news station up here is obsessed with some Falcon that has laid eggs on top of their building. Every day they go to the "Falcon Cam" to see if the eggs are hatched. Yep. Really.

8- We are in love with our new grocery store...its called Giant Eagle. It seems like a mix of kroger, harris teeter and lowes. Get this, every certain amount of money you spend on your groceries gets you 10 cents off each gallon of gas if you fill up at one of their stations. The other day, we got 60 cents off per gallon our entire fill up! yes please. THEN if you buy your gas from one of their gas stations, you get a certain % off your grocery bill -so you get rewards either way you use them - grocery or gas! AND get this moms...they have FREE CHILDCARE for you to grocery shop. Too bad you have to be 3 yrs old so we can't take advantage of that yet, but how wonderful!

Well, that's what I've learned so far. If I can ever get out of the house with the twins, I'm sure we'll learn much more!

Caden (12-17 months)

Dear Caden,

This is probably not the best time to be writing about you these days....you are giving mommy and daddy a FIT! But as many frustrating moments as we have, there are an equal amount of precious, sweet moments so that keeps us going day by day! It has only been recently that you turned on us, so we will catch up on things way back before the breakdown :)

When you turned a year, you were behind in alot of developmental areas. You  couldn't sit yourself up if you toppled over, couldn't pull up, and couldn't walk. Its hard to believe all of that looking at you now! We fought insurance companies and the state of NC and got you into Therapy with a wonderful therapist who you grew to love. She made you work so hard, but it all paid off! As I write this today (18 months) you are caught up in developmental skills. yea! You were the slowest walker for months...so careful and cautious! But you had to work alot harder to support your ankles and balance than your speedy Gonzalez sister. You do NOT like to climb and get very frustrated when you can't do things the first time. Mommy and Daddy have to push you hard to keep trying things instead of giving up and crying. You eventually do it and learn the skill.

You hold the Best Sleeper award....you also hold the Worst Eater award. Mommy is still convinced something in your little digestive system is not right. You are a joker to figure out. Some days you eat wonderfully, but most days, I'm convinced you are malnourished. Yet you play and sleep through the night just fine. ?? I had a hard time thinking about what your favorite food was b/c I don't even know anymore! Things you used to love you don't eat now.  But then I remembered, you eat any fruit on earth (except Banana's) and any cracker. In fact, we now have to hide the crackers / fruit when we eat and wait for you to eat your main course ( or ha, who am I kidding, just stare at it and cry) before we bring out our desperate attempt to get food in you. Mommy almost traded you in a couple of times trying to sippy cup train you. (just kidding honey, not really). I tried the first time simultaneous with Jenna and quickly gave that up. After Jenna took the cup I turned to you and we fought and fought and fought. So I let up thinking it was too early to push on you. I tried a second time a few weeks later and you went 7 days without drinking the two feedings I was giving you a sippy. A week, son!!! So out of concern for your hydration and digestion, I let in again. Then, the day after Christmas, you just reached out and started drinking!!!This is not the first time you have shown you will do what you want, when you want. Now you are so great! I never thought the day would come! You drink, drink, drink out of any cup we have! Hallelujah!

This was the miraculous day:

Like I said, you are my best sleeper. You sleep GREAT both naps, and you sleep soundly through the night. The only time you cry out is when you get stuck in the crib slats or jammed too far in the corner :) I can predict when you will fall asleep pretty easily in the car.

You were made to have a ball in your hands. You come downstairs every morning looking for your "bah" to "tho" (throw).  You love your basketball goal and honestly you are very good! Its so funny comparing you to your sister...she doesn't care to catch, kick or shoot the ball in the basket. You, on the other hand look for anything to make a goal. You throw your bath toys in the toy holder, you throw the blocks back in their canvas bin, and you throw your ball into anything you can!

You too, have recently become really enthralled by books. I catch you and your sister flipping through pages of a book all the time now! Any swing is your happy place. It has never failed us...if you need to calm down, no matter the reason, the swing does it. You do not move...you LOVE it!

You definitely follow your big sisters move. Anything she does, you try to do - its pretty cute! Since she doesn't have the joint issues you do, she is able to climb up on things and pull herself up on things alot easier. You get SO frustrated when you can't do what she's doing! In time, buddy, just you wait! In the meantime, you love to share with most everyone....but big Sis knows just how to push your buttons. You do NOT ever share your ball. period. But you happily share with Grandparents, Mom and Dad. So funny!

You are still my Mama's boy! Unlike Jenna, your fine when strangers leave, but if Mommy puts her shoes on or grabs her keys....you are all over that! You enjoy the first 10 minutes of a movie, then you want to go find your ball and throw it :) You come back in and out alot, but would prefer to be a "mobile viewer" unlike your sister who hardly blinks during a movie.

You are sooo stinkin sweet when you want to be! You still give the most hugs and loves. You love to "head hug" and often you will just drop your toy and come running over to hug mommy or daddy.

You and snuggle have a close relationship too. You light up and squeal in the morning when he comes running into the room.

You, too, love the sound of music, but you don't click your tongue or start throwing out dance moves like your sis. You prefer to have it playing in the background as you go about your day. You will stop what you are doing and go over to hit the button on a toy to make it play music again. Your eyes have settled in on a hazel color with a blue rim around the edge...so unique! Your hair is frizzy, curly and rough! I'm so sorry that's the part of your Mama you got. But when you get hot, it curls up on the sides and in the back and it is too.much.to.handle! adorable!

We love you little man!

Mother's Day

So, Mothers Day is tomorrow and while I cherish this holiday so much more than many other holidays, it also still brings a little sting with it. Each Mothers Day (sheesh, every day really) reminds me of God's sovereignty in my life plan. I'm so thankful...I'm so much more than that, but can't find the words for it. Overly grateful. But infertility and loss cause deep, deep wounds and deep wounds have deep scars. Yes, Jesus heals my hurt, He washes me white as snow, but He does not erase my hurt and scars so I can go on living blissfully in la-la land. I went through my particular trial for a reason - both for myself to learn what I was supposed to learn and for someone else down the road that I can hopefully minister to. So how am I supposed to help, encourage, and walk along beside someone if I can't remember the sting?

All this to say....celebrate Mothers Day...holy  moly....after the other 364 days of crying, diapers, tantrums and sleepless nights....we get to fluff on one day. But be sensitive, be careful and be praying for those who don't have a Mothers Day card waiting for them at breakfast.

I"ve kept this article for a long time...it is just so good! I encourage you to read it....

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2011/05/06/for-moms-former-moms-and-wannabe-moms/

Jenna (12-17months)

Dear Jenna,

 Mommy thought it was about time to give you and your brother some individual time on the blog to note your extreme differences! You have really shown us your personality the past few months and it is something else! You have become stronger and stronger physically since turning 1. You quickly started walking at 14 months and turned into a runner overnight. You are FAST! As soon as you felt stable on your feet, you are turning out to be quite the little monkey...you love to climb things. I think you have abnormal arm strength to be able to hold yourself up on the baby gates and climb UP slides. Mommy has a hard enough time doing that....how are you strong enough to do so? I have got to get you in a tumble gym class.

You are my super duper eater. I can put anything in front of you and you gobble it up. You were the first to take a sippy cup....months and months first. You fought me for 3 days, then took it like a champ. You continue to do so well with your sippy cup...any drink, watered down or not, you chug it. You like to try new, outlandish things like gripping your sippy cup with your teeth and throwing it back. :) Your favorite fruit is mandarin oranges. Your favorite vegetable is garden peas.

If Caden is my perfect sleeper, you are just slightly more maintenance. You sleep great overall with the exception of a few things: You can hear like a bat. You are the lightest sleeper when you want to be. Mommy and Daddy have to be so quiet when we check on you at night (we do it every night, you know. It is mommy's favorite part of the day). If you hear anything you pop right up in less than a second, standing up ready to go. However, your brother can be SCREAMING and you will sleep right through it. Is this the beginning of selective hearing? :) Also, if you play too hard that day and don't get a sufficient nap, you are a little work to settle down. You cry on and off for the first 2 hours of laying you down...sometimes you go to sleep on your own, sometimes Mommy and Daddy have to come in and rock you for a few minutes, then you are in your deep sleep and have no further problems.

You figured out you LOVE the ball to be stuffed up your shirt. You think its hilarious!

You are one tough cookie. You can fall down, scrape your knees or hands and if you are on a mission, you pop right back up and continue on. You LOVE strangers....mommy is just old news. When I leave you are fine...when a visitor or family leaves, you fall apart at the door. What is that!? You still LOVE cartoons. Mommy has to be careful about leaving the TV on or else you will pop right down and become a couch potato. You can sit through an entire Baby Einstein or Praise Baby DVD with no problem.

You are so independent. You are not afraid of anything. You are making mommy and daddy discipline you right now because you go swat at your brother if your mad about something. oh my! A little girl hit you at the park the other day and before Mommy could come over you had her arms down behind her back...now if only we can channel your need for justice to defend the Gospel and your brother :) Your favorite animal is by far the doggy. Any animal you see is a doggy - you start to bark at it. That is probably why you love Snuggle so much.You have never once shown fear and honestly, you torment him sometimes. He loves you too and has never snapped back at you.

You continue to be quite the Wubbanub theft. It is absolutely normal to see you with all four wubb's if brother isn't around. As soon as he figures out you have them, you usually share one of his frogs and run way with the remaining three (his other frog and your two). You are something else!

Your biggest characteristic right now is that you are obsessed with books. You can play and flip through books all.day.long. Its amazing. You go get a book and back right into someones lap. Sometimes you don't even let us read the page before you have flipped to the next page or brought another book! You love music and click your tongue anytime your hear a beat you like:) Its precious. Your hair is soft and fine. Its  growing like a mullet. Your eyes have settled into a Hazel color. Your Great Grandma had hazel eyes..maybe that's where they came from? They are beautiful...and big ;) You are still more olive toned than your brother.

You appear to get excited when Gigi or Nana get you a new outfit...you let us put it on you and squeal and walk around with it on. You LOVE shoes and headbands. People think it is Mommy that always has a headband in your hair, but many times you bring it to me trying to put it on. You always want your shoes on...even if it does not necessarily go with your outfit :)

We love you so much Jenna Girl! What a fun little personality you are!

- Mom and Dad

Happy Anniversary!

April 30th was our 7th wedding anniversary. whoa. This wasn't the year for nice quiet dinners or nice surprise gifts. We don't know anyone yet to keep the twins so another Casey-tried-dinner at home was on the menu. The weather has been yuck on and off and when its nice, Caden is in a special mood and I'm afraid to take the twins out somewhere so I'm so ashamed to say I didn't get anything for Ryan. :( He did manage to swing by the store and pick up this anniversary assortment :)

The coke is supposedly the best in the world because its from Mexico. (hint: It tastes just like American Coke) :) The loofah is not to tell me to shower more....it's to replace the one that is all unraveled and shredded that I have now :) Sweetart, chewy gummies are my favorite in the world and some good ole flowers :)

We have had quiet the wild ride the past 7 years....looks like it isn't going to calm down anytime soon! Wouldn't change it for anything though. Love you Rhino!