Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Pool Days
So I've mentioned that Columbus seems to have a TON of stuff for children and families at very reasonable rates. Our neighborhood doesn't have a pool, but our "township" does. And it is super cheap to join just for the summer! yes please! It is perfect for us, it has a kiddie section that is zero entry, lots of sprays, slides, things to climb on etc... then it has the "big pool" with mega slides, raft slides, spray things, swimming lanes etc.... I just swam in our neighbors pool growing up so I didn't know there was such a place like this! Anyway, check it out...here is the kiddie section:
and here is the big pool. Sorry, I took the pic from their website so sorry its funny looking.
The first time we took the twins, we stayed in the Kiddie section. Jenna warmed up quickly and wanted to walk around everywhere and explore. On someones watch (eh-hem) she went all the way under when she tripped. She was up and back to exploring in no time. Brave girl.
Caden took forever to warm up to walking around...was very cautious and concerned about everything. On that same person's watch (eh-hem, eh-hem Ryan), Caden also went completely under and LOST it. No more exploring for him, he wanted to be held until about 5 minutes til we were ready to leave. This is soooo his personality. It takes him forever to warm up to something, but when he does, he is fine and ready to play...too bad it is time to go by that point most of the time!
Thank goodness for the rest periods! Gave mom and dad a chance to sit down and take a break! whew! The twins had it made with snacks and drinks:
We didn't have any kind of flotation thing for the twins so I ordered some Puddle Jumpers after hearing so many friends rave about them. Jenna loved hers and wanted to wear it around the house....Caden did not. But the next time we took them to the pool, we put them on and got in the big pool quickly. Caden did sooo much better! He didn't cry at all. When we told them to kick, Jenna immediately had the hang of it and started kicking away. Caden? bless his heart! He started moving his legs like a dolphin, at the same time, no scissor kicking for Caden...he looked like a walrus or whale trying to get around, but he was enjoying it and come on, it was adorable :) Yea for pool days in the summer!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Caden...Caden...Caden
Hey Blog World! After a WONDERFUL vacation/get-my-sanity-back trip to NC for 3 weeks, I'm back. I started making a list of everything I need to put on here and it is loooooong. ;( But, one at a time we shall do this. First thing, a prayer post for little man(and yes, even with a baby boy on the way, Caden is still the little man by all numbers and percentages..ha!). I've mentioned briefly on here our struggles with Caden eating since we moved up here. About 3 weeks after we had settled down, all of a sudden one day he quit eating. In fact, I thought maybe he was getting sick it was so sudden. But, as time has progressed, here we are 3 months later and he has done nothing but digress. This could get way to long, so I'm going bullet form on ya'll:
- Stopped eating the end of April, I gave it some time to get better knowing we had his 18 month appointment coming up in May.
- At this 18 month appointment he had gained NO weight from his 15 month appointment...was still down in the 2-5% in weight. I shared his struggles with reflux, trouble with change, and how this wasn't just a picky, new-found-toddler personality change...he was NOT eating...no nutrition! going to bed without dinner! hearing his stomach growl! refusing to touch things he once devoured! His Ped recommended a feeding clinic up here that deals with children with eating disorders...yes, my SON with the eating disorder, not my daughter as stereotypical as that sounds. I briefly mention I bet our insurance will give us a fit with that, but I'll try. She gets us a referral in.
- End of May: wouldn't ya know it...our insurance denies us going to the Clinic. That's ok, our son needs help, we'll just self pay. Oops. The initial evaluation appointment is $1,800! Plan B - time to turn Mother Hen on the insurance co....again. :(
- Insurance demands we go through the state program (like they did in NC)...it's called Help Me Grow up here. I start that process (yes of course you have to start over in a new state....it's too easy on the family to just transfer records from another state! ha!). Of course it takes several weeks to get paperwork filled out, returned, an eval scheduled, an eval cancelled, an eval rescheduled for a time Ryan can't take off work so that means Jenna Bear gets to go too - oh goodie. All of this, remember, when I'm hardly standing or sitting upright being so sick with baby.
- We go to Help Me Grow Eval where Caden obviously fails in OT (feeding himself). However, after looking at his records and how we tried the State Program in NC only to have him go backwards in this area, THEY even say we need the specialists at the Feeding Clinic...they probably can't help Caden! I mention to our Case Worker our insurance issues and she tells us about BCMH - Bureau for Children with Medical Handicaps. It's a wonderful program up here in Ohio that pays for your child to have diagnostic testing if your Insurance won't! They do not pay for treatment, just the diagnosis if your child qualifies having a handicap.
- Mid June: We set up an eval with a Public Health Nurse to see if Caden qualifies. I ask friends to pray he shows his true need and doesn't decide he's hungry that day unless he is totally healed! She comes, observes and agrees Caden needs help.
- In the meantime, here is what Caden is eating: crackers (animal, graham, Nabs, zesta etc...) fruit and frozen waffles. That's it folks! Everything else is a blue moon miracle. No meat, no vegetable, no pasta, nothing. So please imagine my frustration trying to get nutrition in him, burning things so they are crispy, putting things on crackers, in between crackers, covered in chocolate...anything! only to have him cry and scream at first, then just sit there and eat nothing. So we have started spiking all of his drinks with PediaSure to get some calories and protein in him.
- So, yea! we qualify through BCMH to get an evaluation done at the Feeding Clinic...huge answer to prayer! Of course they have a one-month waiting list so we go to NC hoping in a familiar place he will go back to eating again, but no. He doesn't. :(
- Last Thursday - we spend 4 hours at the Feeding Clinic where 5 specialists (a pediatric specialist, a nutritionist, a psychologist, an occupational therapist and a speech therapist) all observe Caden, give him physicals and tests, watch him eat etc... At this appointment he was down to the 1.8 percentile and had only gained .9 lbs in 7 months. pitiful! This brings us to now...we are waiting (takes 1-2 weeks) to get his diagnosis and treatment plan from the clinic.
So please pray with us that it is something that makes sense, will help him and that we will find an easy solution with our insurance to get him treatment he needs. Pray for patience on our part...trying new things for Caden seems almost like a waste and a for sure disappointment, but we can't give up on exposing him to nutrition! And pray for Caden to grow! When he doesn't eat, we can't get his medicine in him for reflux, when his reflux acts up, of course he doesn't want to eat!, when he's hungry, he's fussy and so goes the cycle...The next posts will be upbeat, I promise! :)
- Stopped eating the end of April, I gave it some time to get better knowing we had his 18 month appointment coming up in May.
- At this 18 month appointment he had gained NO weight from his 15 month appointment...was still down in the 2-5% in weight. I shared his struggles with reflux, trouble with change, and how this wasn't just a picky, new-found-toddler personality change...he was NOT eating...no nutrition! going to bed without dinner! hearing his stomach growl! refusing to touch things he once devoured! His Ped recommended a feeding clinic up here that deals with children with eating disorders...yes, my SON with the eating disorder, not my daughter as stereotypical as that sounds. I briefly mention I bet our insurance will give us a fit with that, but I'll try. She gets us a referral in.
- End of May: wouldn't ya know it...our insurance denies us going to the Clinic. That's ok, our son needs help, we'll just self pay. Oops. The initial evaluation appointment is $1,800! Plan B - time to turn Mother Hen on the insurance co....again. :(
- Insurance demands we go through the state program (like they did in NC)...it's called Help Me Grow up here. I start that process (yes of course you have to start over in a new state....it's too easy on the family to just transfer records from another state! ha!). Of course it takes several weeks to get paperwork filled out, returned, an eval scheduled, an eval cancelled, an eval rescheduled for a time Ryan can't take off work so that means Jenna Bear gets to go too - oh goodie. All of this, remember, when I'm hardly standing or sitting upright being so sick with baby.
- We go to Help Me Grow Eval where Caden obviously fails in OT (feeding himself). However, after looking at his records and how we tried the State Program in NC only to have him go backwards in this area, THEY even say we need the specialists at the Feeding Clinic...they probably can't help Caden! I mention to our Case Worker our insurance issues and she tells us about BCMH - Bureau for Children with Medical Handicaps. It's a wonderful program up here in Ohio that pays for your child to have diagnostic testing if your Insurance won't! They do not pay for treatment, just the diagnosis if your child qualifies having a handicap.
- Mid June: We set up an eval with a Public Health Nurse to see if Caden qualifies. I ask friends to pray he shows his true need and doesn't decide he's hungry that day unless he is totally healed! She comes, observes and agrees Caden needs help.
- In the meantime, here is what Caden is eating: crackers (animal, graham, Nabs, zesta etc...) fruit and frozen waffles. That's it folks! Everything else is a blue moon miracle. No meat, no vegetable, no pasta, nothing. So please imagine my frustration trying to get nutrition in him, burning things so they are crispy, putting things on crackers, in between crackers, covered in chocolate...anything! only to have him cry and scream at first, then just sit there and eat nothing. So we have started spiking all of his drinks with PediaSure to get some calories and protein in him.
- So, yea! we qualify through BCMH to get an evaluation done at the Feeding Clinic...huge answer to prayer! Of course they have a one-month waiting list so we go to NC hoping in a familiar place he will go back to eating again, but no. He doesn't. :(
- Last Thursday - we spend 4 hours at the Feeding Clinic where 5 specialists (a pediatric specialist, a nutritionist, a psychologist, an occupational therapist and a speech therapist) all observe Caden, give him physicals and tests, watch him eat etc... At this appointment he was down to the 1.8 percentile and had only gained .9 lbs in 7 months. pitiful! This brings us to now...we are waiting (takes 1-2 weeks) to get his diagnosis and treatment plan from the clinic.
So please pray with us that it is something that makes sense, will help him and that we will find an easy solution with our insurance to get him treatment he needs. Pray for patience on our part...trying new things for Caden seems almost like a waste and a for sure disappointment, but we can't give up on exposing him to nutrition! And pray for Caden to grow! When he doesn't eat, we can't get his medicine in him for reflux, when his reflux acts up, of course he doesn't want to eat!, when he's hungry, he's fussy and so goes the cycle...The next posts will be upbeat, I promise! :)
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
The Zoo!
Well, I have to give it to Columbus...for family-friendly things to do...they have Raleigh beat by a long shot. We have not even begun to explore all of it yet, but as we do, of course we will update you and give you Siskel and Ebert, I mean Caden and Jenna's review :)
We had an extra day at home when Nana and Papa flew up in May before we left for NYC so we decided to go check out the zoo! We are only 30 ish minutes away and it is supposed to be one of the top in the country. It is Jack Hannah's zoo and he does regular appearances there! It also has a huge, huge water park like Emerald Point, but of course we are not old enough to fully utilize that yet. It was the first time the twins had been to the zoo or seen lots of animals up close really, so we were excited to show them. We are all into animals and animal sounds now so we thought it would be a hit!
First, this picture has nothing to do with the twins, but we were looking at the Lion exhibit, standing at the rail and up pops mama lion. We were shocked at how huge her head is!? Anyway, not the sweet Nala from the Lion King that's for sure!
After visiting a few countries, we took a break and rode the carousel they have on campus. The last time I had the twins on a carousel was Pullen Park before we left Raleigh. Remember Jenna loved it, Caden would only breathe if I climbed up there and rode it with him. Well....Caden has joined the party!!!! He LOVED it. Look at that face?!? Before we got him off the horse, he leaned down and gave it a head hug. Melt my heart...
The big shocker came when we visited our first "big" animal - the gorilla's. Caden loved it, watching them run around and swing. Jenna? dug her nails into Ryan and turned her head afraid!? Who knew Jenna was afraid of anything? quite literally? Anyway, it became a trend. Any large animal exhibit we came to, Jenna turned shy and cuddly - cute but very ironic for my fearless Miss Independent!
Jenna came alive again at her favorite exhibit...the fish!
We love Nana and Papa!
And Caden's highlight...besides the carousel was....drum roll....the Polar Bear. The child looked like we had just told him it was Christmas Day. He went nuts watching the Polar Bear swim around and play with the ball as you will see in the video. Jenna did good when we were upstairs watching the bear. But they had a tunnel you could walk down and view "underneath" the tank - that's when she went silent-afraid Jenna on us. Either way, it was pure joy to watch Caden's excitement!
What a wonderful day of making memories! ( I asked the Zoo employee to take our picture with the sign included....so she cut out the huge "Columbus Zoo" part of the sign...naturally.) :)
Sunday, June 24, 2012
The Beautiful, Delicious, Big Apple
Back in May, Ryan's parents flew up to see us (sure) and primarily see and keep the twins for us (ha!) so we could go on our annual trip to NYC with our dear friends, the Hudgins. Last year was our first year off since I was nursing the twins still. We told them about the baby right before we went up there so they wouldn't fall down in the streets of NYC when they saw this big ole belly! We laughed that I must not know how to do NYC without being pregnant. Out of 4 years going, I've been pregnant for 3 of those trips! Anyway, it was the first time that Ryan and I have been together, away from the twins all year. It was soooo good for me to be around a) adults and b) people I knew to talk to! I'm not ashamed to say I boo-hoo'ed in the Subway when we said goodbye and left to come home.
We had such a great time! Since we have gotten most of the big touristy stuff out of the way in our past trips, we now concentrate on what the Locals do and eat....mostly eat :) No objections from this pregnant lady! We seriously find the most amazing food we have ever tasted every time we go. And we try to do one new thing to us each time. This year, we took a water ferry at night on the Hudson River. We went underneath all three bridges: Brooklyn, Manhattan and Williamsburg. It was beautiful to see the city from the water at night! And...a break from walking!
We stumbled upon a jewelry shop that Cindy had been to before. All of the jewelry is handmade, from Spain and adorable! We both got long necklaces, which we now know can be worn as a necklace, bracelet or headband! ha!
For the second time we rented bikes and rode bikes through Central Park. It is so beautiful and such a fun way to see the park. And listen to me....it is much more hilly than you think! Short of Breath Pregnant One had some huff and puff moments!
The Hudgins took us to a new find they found last year when we were home with the babes....a bakery that had the BIGGEST, Softest, Moistest (yep I said that) cookies. I got Chocolate with Peanut Butter Chunks. Oh man, Oh man. Look how big that thing is!
Our last night we went to the Brooklyn Bridge and took some pictures and rode the Water Ferry.
It made the perfect backdrop for our big announcement photo to friends and facebook :)
And now for my favorites....we always take one night to go eat in Little Italy. It's my favorite!!!! In the summer they close a section of street down and the restaurants have seating out in the street under umbrella's and lights draped across the streets. LOVE! This is our favorite restaurant in Little Italy (for food, NOT canoli's!)
And the best part of Little Italy: Canoli's. I eat myself stupid every year and love it! We have tried Canoli's from a few different restaurants in the Little Italy district and NO ONE can touch the taste or the price!!! Look at them.....yum. The canoli's are mine :)
And last, but certainly not even close to least: John's Pizza. We went TWICE. It is hands down the best pizza we have EVER.HAD. We have tried the other pizza places that are rated well or that locals say to go to....nope. And, we haven't even had a different kind of pizza - we can't pull ourselves away from one type of pizza - marinated tomatoes, fresh garlic and huge, huge chunks of fresh mozarella. YUM. We hardly talk we are devouring it so fast.
Notice the boys didn't even stop chewing/ eating for the picture....
This is the beauty.....
Ahhh New York. We love that City!
Friday, June 22, 2012
18 month forgetfuls
That's what happens when I try to sit down and cram a big post, that mostly happened 2 months ago, in one sitting. A few more things I want to remember about this age:
- Both of the twins now demand a book when their diaper is being changed. Their "reading pleasure" makes the experience better for everyone. We have NO problem with this....as long as I have a little chubby book in my diaper bag or changing table (which of course we do...we have like 5 within reach at all times), then diaper changes are very uneventful and easy.
- The twins have each picked a favorite toy they play with every morning. After breakfast they each go to their toy, play with it for about 30 minutes, then move on for the day....but they play with it EVERY day. Quite fascinating to watch. Jenna plays with a big spiral bead thing that Nana and Papa gave them for Christmas.
Caden plays with an interactive little house that ironically, Nana and Papa bought them for Christmas too!
- I would say around 16 months they learned the concept of possession. Jenna knew which paci was hers / Caden knew which ball was his etc.... It was really nice when they picked this up! Now they go to their own toy and play with it nicely. When Jenna goes over to Caden's train, he throws a fit and we can tell Jenna to go find her train and she will!
- They have both really started showing us their imagination now too. Quite frequently they will go "pick berries" and bring them to us to eat. Precious.
- They are both obsessed with wearing shoes. They want shoes on all of the time!
- They both still wear size 3 diapers. Jenna is in a size 4 shoe, Caden is in a 3 with no braces/4W with braces.
- We made the transition to the separate top/pant pajamas instead of the one-piece footies. It still gets cooler up here at night (the other night it got to 49) so I had been reluctant to make the transition. However, Jenna has literally punched a hole in most of hers so we made the move! We will just add socks to keep those feetsies warm. :) They look like such big kids now :(
- And this was completely my fault, but in the chaos of packing up a house, moving in with my parents, moving up here, etc...etc... I didn't take the time to teach the kids how to go DOWN the stairs the correct way. If we needed to go down I held one on each hip and came down....less time, less steps:) When I stopped one day at 18 months and taught them what to do, they picked it up fine and now enjoy the freedom they should have had months before to go up and down the stairs on their own (always supervised though of course.)
- Same story with the fork/spoon. Amidst Caden's eating issues, the last thing he needs right now is a distraction. That is exactly what it was when I gave it to him - I thought maybe he isn't eating because he wants to be civilized and use a utensil!? haha no way. Therefore, poor Jenna has gotten the shaft too. She can use the spoon to eat pudding / yogurt....not the correct way, but the food gets in her mouth without my help :)
- Both of the twins now demand a book when their diaper is being changed. Their "reading pleasure" makes the experience better for everyone. We have NO problem with this....as long as I have a little chubby book in my diaper bag or changing table (which of course we do...we have like 5 within reach at all times), then diaper changes are very uneventful and easy.
- The twins have each picked a favorite toy they play with every morning. After breakfast they each go to their toy, play with it for about 30 minutes, then move on for the day....but they play with it EVERY day. Quite fascinating to watch. Jenna plays with a big spiral bead thing that Nana and Papa gave them for Christmas.
Caden plays with an interactive little house that ironically, Nana and Papa bought them for Christmas too!
- I would say around 16 months they learned the concept of possession. Jenna knew which paci was hers / Caden knew which ball was his etc.... It was really nice when they picked this up! Now they go to their own toy and play with it nicely. When Jenna goes over to Caden's train, he throws a fit and we can tell Jenna to go find her train and she will!
- They have both really started showing us their imagination now too. Quite frequently they will go "pick berries" and bring them to us to eat. Precious.
- They are both obsessed with wearing shoes. They want shoes on all of the time!
- They both still wear size 3 diapers. Jenna is in a size 4 shoe, Caden is in a 3 with no braces/4W with braces.
- We made the transition to the separate top/pant pajamas instead of the one-piece footies. It still gets cooler up here at night (the other night it got to 49) so I had been reluctant to make the transition. However, Jenna has literally punched a hole in most of hers so we made the move! We will just add socks to keep those feetsies warm. :) They look like such big kids now :(
- And this was completely my fault, but in the chaos of packing up a house, moving in with my parents, moving up here, etc...etc... I didn't take the time to teach the kids how to go DOWN the stairs the correct way. If we needed to go down I held one on each hip and came down....less time, less steps:) When I stopped one day at 18 months and taught them what to do, they picked it up fine and now enjoy the freedom they should have had months before to go up and down the stairs on their own (always supervised though of course.)
- Same story with the fork/spoon. Amidst Caden's eating issues, the last thing he needs right now is a distraction. That is exactly what it was when I gave it to him - I thought maybe he isn't eating because he wants to be civilized and use a utensil!? haha no way. Therefore, poor Jenna has gotten the shaft too. She can use the spoon to eat pudding / yogurt....not the correct way, but the food gets in her mouth without my help :)
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Baby Stowaway
Oh Baby Stowaway, it would appear you are getting the shaft in updates, pictures, and plans compared to your siblings. We find out who you are this week (yes! already!? How did that happen so fast?) so I'm sure things will become more real to your mom and dad...esp your mom.
The truth is that I think about this baby all the time...how could I not? I felt like death for weeks at a time, my stomach popped out like I was having twins again and I still keep having to tell myself that we're going to have another one...up here, in Ohio. I found out I was pregnant in Raleigh right before we moved...my first words were "oh no." I have cried and cried about that and asked for forgiveness so many times. Shame, shame on me. But all that went through my head was baby, Ohio, miscarriage, no family or friends, snow, and what will people think? My body had just healed from our miscarriage in January and come on, you can't forget that it took us years of trying to have Caden and Jenna....how did this happen? Ryan was in Mexico that week so we had hardly any communication, the one time he got signal from a phone, I broke some heavy news to him :) He hid his shock pretty well by trying to calm me down and reassuring me this was a modern day miracle and who cares what other people thought - it was never "our" timeline anyway! God bless him.
After I calmed down enough to accept what was happening, my test results came back from my Doctor that things were headed downhill fast. So add being "homeless", my husband 500 miles away trying to find a house for us, me starting to feel funny and ...sick?...and now worry about miscarrying this secret baby all adds up to crazy stress. Nevertheless, we made it up here where I could stop sucking in and let this baby all hang out. whew! If we are to see God's goodness in everything...who else gets to be huge and pregnant at 8 weeks and walk around with no one analyzing or asking questions? We didn't know a soul up here so they didn't care! haha Anyway, then came the death sickness - and who gets to hide being that sick from everyone for weeks at at time? Their ARE advantages to not knowing anyone...who knew? :) God bless Ryan again. It was alot for both of us to take in - how am I this sick with one baby (we had confirmed like 4 times - ONE baby this time!), and never sick a moment with the twins? I spent most evenings - for weeks at a time -barely getting supper on the table, forcing down what I could then running to the couch before I upchucked everything. I couldn't even sit up to read to the kids or play with them. I'm not kidding when I say NOTHING got done around the half unpacked house. ugh.
I have just now started thinking about things in terms of them happening. Maybe that shows a weak faith, but I haven't let myself get excited about things, thought about names or any of that. Each appointment gives me a bit more confidence and I'm sure once we can say "her" or "him" and get around all our friends and family in NC, that I'll be looking forward again.
Despite our rough start, God has been very gracious! So far we have a healthy mom and baby, and have 5 minute, normal doctor appointments - very new experience! I'm 18 weeks on Friday and have been in maternity clothes since 10 weeks easily. I've gained 8 lbs, been able to exercise on my birthday present (elliptical) this pregnancy, and have the horrible head cold thing going on again. With the twins it lasted 4-5 weeks, this pregnancy has been about double the time - up to 8 weeks now. Sleeping good is gone - my back kills me at night - and I have the same "dot" of sharp pain on my right side if I walk too much. So funny how different the pregnancies have been!
I felt the baby move at 16 weeks but told myself it probably wasn't the baby. Knowing me, I would start doing those stupid "kick counts" and worry myself to death. So, I've explained it away, but starting last week, it is definitely the baby. We have an active one in there! At my appointment last week, she had the hardest time keeping the heartbeat in the machine long enough to record it. She was all over my belly trying to keep up with the rascal!
Alot of people ask us about names: we had two girl names picked out in case we had twin girls...so we still have that name that we both like alot. I have a boy name that I'm in love with... had to get Ryan slowly on board with it, but he picked a middle name that I like so I think that helped win him over ? :) Couldn't find a name that means "stowaway" haha. Anyway, we will see on Friday...nothing seems in stone for me yet.
And the other question I get all of the time now is "are you done?" Well, we are the poster children for knowing that God makes that call, not us, huh? I've said it before and mean every word: we both want every child God has for us...so we are praying very deeply this whole pregnancy about that. I already feel very different this time about more children than I did with the twins. After the twins I knew I wanted more, God had that desire in my heart and didn't take it away. This time, already, I feel God has taken that desire away by current means :) Meaning, no more children by me! God was miraculous in choosing to heal my body to conceive naturally. I'm forever thankful I got to experience that healing and power. But for whatever reason, He so far has chosen not to heal its ability to carry a pregnancy without intervention. Only someone who has experienced similar circumstances can understand the stress of every second, analyzing every activity you do and wondering whats lurking around the corner after having a miscarriage - no matter how many you have experienced!While He is taking away the desire for biological children, He is keeping the tingling of adoption alive and well in both Ryan and me. So we have committed to pray deeply throughout this pregnancy that God makes it clear to us in our hearts about the future. After all....we have seen now twice... God didn't just heal things, he apparently supercharged things! haha oh my, so funny.
We are set, thanks to the twins, for a boy or a girl. We might have to borrow a few more things if it is a boy because somehow we ended up borrowing more boy stuff than girl? We had great neighbors in NC who let me use anything they had! Obviously, truly, I just want a healthy baby in there, no matter to me what it is! If I had to pick right now, I'm going to say it's a girl...that's been my little inkling all along so we will see! What's your pick? boy or girl? We find out soon!!!!
The truth is that I think about this baby all the time...how could I not? I felt like death for weeks at a time, my stomach popped out like I was having twins again and I still keep having to tell myself that we're going to have another one...up here, in Ohio. I found out I was pregnant in Raleigh right before we moved...my first words were "oh no." I have cried and cried about that and asked for forgiveness so many times. Shame, shame on me. But all that went through my head was baby, Ohio, miscarriage, no family or friends, snow, and what will people think? My body had just healed from our miscarriage in January and come on, you can't forget that it took us years of trying to have Caden and Jenna....how did this happen? Ryan was in Mexico that week so we had hardly any communication, the one time he got signal from a phone, I broke some heavy news to him :) He hid his shock pretty well by trying to calm me down and reassuring me this was a modern day miracle and who cares what other people thought - it was never "our" timeline anyway! God bless him.
After I calmed down enough to accept what was happening, my test results came back from my Doctor that things were headed downhill fast. So add being "homeless", my husband 500 miles away trying to find a house for us, me starting to feel funny and ...sick?...and now worry about miscarrying this secret baby all adds up to crazy stress. Nevertheless, we made it up here where I could stop sucking in and let this baby all hang out. whew! If we are to see God's goodness in everything...who else gets to be huge and pregnant at 8 weeks and walk around with no one analyzing or asking questions? We didn't know a soul up here so they didn't care! haha Anyway, then came the death sickness - and who gets to hide being that sick from everyone for weeks at at time? Their ARE advantages to not knowing anyone...who knew? :) God bless Ryan again. It was alot for both of us to take in - how am I this sick with one baby (we had confirmed like 4 times - ONE baby this time!), and never sick a moment with the twins? I spent most evenings - for weeks at a time -barely getting supper on the table, forcing down what I could then running to the couch before I upchucked everything. I couldn't even sit up to read to the kids or play with them. I'm not kidding when I say NOTHING got done around the half unpacked house. ugh.
I have just now started thinking about things in terms of them happening. Maybe that shows a weak faith, but I haven't let myself get excited about things, thought about names or any of that. Each appointment gives me a bit more confidence and I'm sure once we can say "her" or "him" and get around all our friends and family in NC, that I'll be looking forward again.
Despite our rough start, God has been very gracious! So far we have a healthy mom and baby, and have 5 minute, normal doctor appointments - very new experience! I'm 18 weeks on Friday and have been in maternity clothes since 10 weeks easily. I've gained 8 lbs, been able to exercise on my birthday present (elliptical) this pregnancy, and have the horrible head cold thing going on again. With the twins it lasted 4-5 weeks, this pregnancy has been about double the time - up to 8 weeks now. Sleeping good is gone - my back kills me at night - and I have the same "dot" of sharp pain on my right side if I walk too much. So funny how different the pregnancies have been!
I felt the baby move at 16 weeks but told myself it probably wasn't the baby. Knowing me, I would start doing those stupid "kick counts" and worry myself to death. So, I've explained it away, but starting last week, it is definitely the baby. We have an active one in there! At my appointment last week, she had the hardest time keeping the heartbeat in the machine long enough to record it. She was all over my belly trying to keep up with the rascal!
Alot of people ask us about names: we had two girl names picked out in case we had twin girls...so we still have that name that we both like alot. I have a boy name that I'm in love with... had to get Ryan slowly on board with it, but he picked a middle name that I like so I think that helped win him over ? :) Couldn't find a name that means "stowaway" haha. Anyway, we will see on Friday...nothing seems in stone for me yet.
And the other question I get all of the time now is "are you done?" Well, we are the poster children for knowing that God makes that call, not us, huh? I've said it before and mean every word: we both want every child God has for us...so we are praying very deeply this whole pregnancy about that. I already feel very different this time about more children than I did with the twins. After the twins I knew I wanted more, God had that desire in my heart and didn't take it away. This time, already, I feel God has taken that desire away by current means :) Meaning, no more children by me! God was miraculous in choosing to heal my body to conceive naturally. I'm forever thankful I got to experience that healing and power. But for whatever reason, He so far has chosen not to heal its ability to carry a pregnancy without intervention. Only someone who has experienced similar circumstances can understand the stress of every second, analyzing every activity you do and wondering whats lurking around the corner after having a miscarriage - no matter how many you have experienced!While He is taking away the desire for biological children, He is keeping the tingling of adoption alive and well in both Ryan and me. So we have committed to pray deeply throughout this pregnancy that God makes it clear to us in our hearts about the future. After all....we have seen now twice... God didn't just heal things, he apparently supercharged things! haha oh my, so funny.
We are set, thanks to the twins, for a boy or a girl. We might have to borrow a few more things if it is a boy because somehow we ended up borrowing more boy stuff than girl? We had great neighbors in NC who let me use anything they had! Obviously, truly, I just want a healthy baby in there, no matter to me what it is! If I had to pick right now, I'm going to say it's a girl...that's been my little inkling all along so we will see! What's your pick? boy or girl? We find out soon!!!!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Happy Birthday and Fathers Day Ryan!!!!
What a special day today is! It is Ryan's birthday AND Father's day...he really gets the goods this year in gifts!
Seriously, the twins and me are so blessed to have Ryan as a husband, dad and friend. He is such a natural, selfless, fun, funny, patient father; and a loving, caring, serving, funny husband. Most Dads get a gradual learning curve into parenthood one baby at a time. I'm so proud of how Ryan handled being thrown into the fun chaos of twins and how he so faithfully served and supported me during those first few weeks especially. Ryan had to get up for every feeding, always had a baby in his arms, always had a diaper to change, and a baby to burp - and never complained!
So glad God paired us together to go on this life journey together! I / We love you Ryan / Daddy!
Seriously, the twins and me are so blessed to have Ryan as a husband, dad and friend. He is such a natural, selfless, fun, funny, patient father; and a loving, caring, serving, funny husband. Most Dads get a gradual learning curve into parenthood one baby at a time. I'm so proud of how Ryan handled being thrown into the fun chaos of twins and how he so faithfully served and supported me during those first few weeks especially. Ryan had to get up for every feeding, always had a baby in his arms, always had a diaper to change, and a baby to burp - and never complained!
So glad God paired us together to go on this life journey together! I / We love you Ryan / Daddy!
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